Nancy's Survivor Story
Posted on October 1, 2011
When I broke up with my boyfriend at age 19 we remained friends. He was still in my life, and so mentally I thought that was my initial break up. After a couple of months I started dating again and he became that friend who wanted to make sure I was dating someone who is good for me. I did not know this was a manipulation of knowing more information on my new life. As my new relationship was progressing I had to tell the ex boyfriend that I could not have him in my life right now as I started feeling more and more uncomfortable with him wanting to know what I was doing, and how I felt with the new guy I was dating. I told him I was moving to San Francisco to go to school and that I would be moving that weekend. He asked me to go to dinner with him one last time as our farewell dinner. I had a weird feeling at the pit of my stomach, and told him that I would only go if we have other friends around. After dinner he dropped me off and later that night around 4am that was when I woke up in flames. So, technically I wouldn't know how to write a paragraph about the day I left. I don't know if my story would fit into that category or not since I felt that mentally I had broken up with him a year before the incident.
Where did I go? I was in the hospital for almost 2 months. After that, I stayed at my grandmother's house until the room where he attacked me was finished from construction. My family wanted to give me a brand new room so that I can have a new beginning and it felt great when I came home. It did feel like a new beginning as I knew he was behind bars.
I really didn't know about Laura's House until earlier this year in May when I had to do a research group project. That was when I met Marissa and she came into my classroom and gave us a presentation of the cycle of violence which can turn into death. When she talked about all the red flags, I had chills and was quietly upset because no one educated me about the red flags to look for when dating. While seeing her illustration of the cycle on the board, and all the red flags written on the board confirmed MANY gut feelings that I had of him at the time. I wondered to myself, if I had been educated about all of this information when I was younger, I would've left him a long time ago. I would've left him the first time I broke up with him. Not the 8 or 9th time. But I always tell myself to never say, "WHAT IF" anymore. That phrase can drive anybody up the walls. What happened to me was a blessing in disguise.
The attack happened 11 years ago on July 2nd, 2000. It took me 11 years later to see all that information on the white board. 11 years later was the confirmation that there is information like this out there. Laura's House is a great organization and I am very glad to be part of the LH family. =) After meeting with Marissa and getting to know about Laura's House, I now have the passion to educate teenagers and women (and boys and men!) about the cycle of dating violence that can lead to death one day and to empower women that there is life after trauma. A real good life if you can ride out the challenges that life throws at you. =)
